The Fear of Death - Mahan Kal Kalka ("The Great Death")

I used to bug myself out with the fact that one day I am going to die. It could be any day…I could wake up dead, I could be watching TV and a small plane lands in my living room, I could be driving over a bridge and the shit could crumble. Sometimes it made me feel as if I didn’t need to make plans, what’s the point? I might die soon anyway…But what is death? Our fear of it base our ultimate beliefs in ideological structures and doctrines. Almost all religions are based on what happens to us when we die, where we go, judgment, heaven, hell…We see death on television, we read about it in papers, most of the movies we enjoy people are popped off, or slaughtered in creative ways (Final Destination…hehe), death surrounds us, and as humans, it can dictate our lives…

I had to re-orient my thinking, or find myself in a way so that at least I could be comfortable with this concept. I accepted that I had to love life, and live in the moment. How precious each moment is, how much happens in a “moment”, and if I am aware, I can live life in bliss. But what is life? If we are infinite, how many lives do we really live? Actually…what constitutes a life? Our physical bodies or our created or imposed self-images?

I found that fear of death is in many aspects of our psyche: Identity. We all carry beliefs, we believe we are something, we tie these beliefs to concepts, language, words, identity. I am a “human being”, I am “Puerto Rican”, I am “25”, I am a “man”, to religion, social status, education…we can place infinite labels on ourselves, and believe that is who we are. To hold on to these beliefs gives us a sense of pride, and power over the world around us. No one is to offend or challenge these beliefs. In many consciousness it is even acceptable to cause violence on a person who demeans or challenges by way of words, we associate what we think of ourselves to our actual lives. It is very hard for many to be fluid, open, and let go. It is easier to get angry and cause violence to protect our “lives”.

To try and find oneself beyond subconscious programming can make one feel lost, scared, confused. How can I live life without standing? “My stance is correct, therefore I will fight until my point is made, I cannot lose, for I will lose myself, my beliefs will not hold water, and what I thought of myself will have to change, my image will have to die.” We get tense, we get angry, we shout, we tense up to anything that may threaten who we think we are. We have been waging wars, building prisons, psychiatric wards, educational institutions, religious institutions, governments, nations…so many constructs, to continue to attempt to define who we are. Yet we never taught to look into ourselves for this answer. If we are STANDING how can we UNDER-STAND?

Divisions, walls, fronts, lack of universality, inhumanness, coldness, all of this stems from fear of death. I’ve had to dig deep within myself and face myself, face that ultimate fear. Eradicating this fear takes ones ability to be forgiving, compassionate, understanding, and aware of love to another level. To FORGIVE is to be able to let go of a “wrong” done to you, but because we are afraid to let go of our self-image, we cannot forgive, our self-image comes first. I cannot be compassionate because the “circumstances” around that relationship must be comfortable to my image and my perceived image of the other. I cannot be understanding, because my stance comes first.

If there is no death, is there life? Can we “live” our lives without death? If I internalize that I am infinite, that I am energy, a consciousness with no end, do I really die? And if so is it worth me holding on to myself for “dear life”? Is it worth chasing wealth, and social status? Is it worth it to absolutely care for what other’s perceptions are of your image? Is it worth it to knock and demean others to preserve ourselves?

An ultimate death is the acceptance that we are beings as fluid as water that take shape by what container we put ourselves in. A container floating in an ocean, for we are all water. An ultimate death is to open that container and become one with the rest of that ocean. To be free, and listen to one’s heart regardless of what we “think” of ourselves, so that we may love to the fullest, to be creative, and to positively affect the world around us.

BE FREE! BE BLESSED, IT IS YOUR BIRTHRIGHT, SAT NAM!

Revolucionario